Funeral Words

Thank You Tom Peters

Last August I attended a "strategic planning" seminar organized for funeral service companies. The program involved looking at the techniques described in a book called Blue Ocean Strategy: How to Create Uncontested Market Space and Make Competition Irrelevant.

I won't try and summarize the book. I have spent the last ten minutes trying to come up with a two sentence summary and it all sounds like gobbledygook. Let's just say it's a complex approach to business planning that most funeral homes should not waste time trying to learn.

HOWEVER, if you want to chew on some more practical ideas of how to make new and wonderful things happen with your business, take a look at Tom Peters' new list of 50 "Have yous..." I post the first 10 below followed by a link to the remainder.

Do these things and amazing transformations will happen with your business. No doubt about it, with none of the pain and suffering and lost time and energy wrapped up in a planning process that you do not understand.

Have you in the last 10 days ... visited a customer?
Have you called a customer ... TODAY?
Have you in the last 60-90 days ... had a seminar in which several folks from the customer's operation (different levels, different functions, different divisions) interacted, via facilitator, with various of your folks?
Have you thanked a front-line employee for a small act of helpfulness ... in the last three days?
Have you thanked a front-line employee for a small act of helpfulness ... in the last three hours?
Have you thanked a frontline employee for carrying around a great attitude ... today?
Have you in the last week recognized—publicly—one of your folks for a small act of cross-functional cooperation?
Have you in the last week recognized—publicly—one of "their" folks (another function) for a small act of cross-functional cooperation?
Have you invited in the last month a leader of another function to your weekly team priorities meeting?
Have you personally in the last week-month called-visited an internal or external customer to sort out, inquire, or apologize for some little or big thing that went awry? (No reason for doing so? If true—in your mind—then you're more out of touch than I dared imagine.)

The list continues at: Tom Peters "Have Yous"

Let me know how it goes. Post a comment. Thanks. And more importantly, thanks for reading.

Wilbert Update

Many of you will remember the commentary I posted in October regarding my reaction to the Wilbert Burial Vault booth space at the NFDA National Convention. You can find the full text here.

For those of you wondering, it did take longer than I expected to receive the promotional materials we needed from an alternate supplier, plus the holidays got in the middle of things, but we did eventually make the transition away from Wilbert products at all of our funeral homes.

As a further example of my questioning about the focus of Wilbert Inc., has anyone noticed the print advertisement Wilbert has run in the January issue of The Director magazine? Under the headline "Protection" sits the picture of a turtle. Yes, I guess the shell might represent protection of a sort but it also brings to mind the unfortunate messiness which happens when a turtle tries to cross a busy roadway. It also looks ugly and less than alive and of course turtles have rarely been chosen as a symbol of vibrance and forward thinking.

Why did they allow such a visual message to get used on their behalf? I mean seriously, the poor thing looks ready for a casket itself rather than being a positive symbol of a forward thinking, energetic and smart company.

Somebody there just doesn't get it, and it shows.

The Professional Service Firm (PSF) Idea

I don't have a lot of time today for an in-depth posting but let me throw a couple of links at those of you brave enough to think about organizational issues and how to build funeral service organizations primed and powerful and ready to grow and respond to change for the rest of this century.

I love the work of Tom Peters in this area. He harps and harps and harps on the idea of business (of every kind and at every level) as the fulfillment of the best practices of the finest professional service firms (PSFs) he has ever know.

I think we know a little bit about this in funeral service but we could get MUCH better, especially with the larger organizations trying to run regional and national funeral service companies.

Like I say, if you dare, give the following a read, let it sink in a day or two and then post a comment. I'll be watching. And in the mean time, have a fabulous day!

TomPeters.com: The PSF is Everything

TomPeters.com: The "PSF" "Debate"

American Funeral Director Article

In the January issue of the American Funeral Director, beginning on page 24, you will find an article I wrote regarding the demographics of Baby Boomer mortality. Up till now, analysts in our profession have used very indirect methods of estimating how and when the baby boom will impact the volume of deaths in this country.

As an alternative, I pieced together existing government statistics in a way which more clearly predicts the outcome of boomer mortality.

For those of you that subscribe, please take a look and then post a comment. I would appreciate the feedback.

One thing I will note ahead of time about the article. The numbers used show a complete national picture. Of course in any particular town or neighborhood, the demographics could vary greatly from the average national growth of 40%. Business planning on a local level will require checking conditions carefully. In a few parts of the country, growth will be on the order of 300% or more and in other parts (because of regional job losses and the like) deaths will actually decline. So before making any major strategic decisions, test the status of local conditions first.

Listening Again

To all of you faithful readers, I do apologize for my impromptu disapperance these last two weeks. I've needed a chance to regroup after two years of extraordinary change and removing the pressure of tracking the world of funeral service ideas and news did help tremendously. I needed to put that focus elsewhere for a time, though I think now I will have the chance to get back to steady production here.

Among many changes, I've had the chance to reconnect with what I enjoy most in working as a funeral director. With all the emotional turmoil associated with my divorce, I had withdrawn from putting my all into the people we serve here at our funeral homes. As you all know well, funeral service provides great rewards for those who choose to keep funeral directing personal, and yet to work with heart and soul on a daily basis requires a deep reserve of emotional well-being. My well had run dry quite some time ago and so I worked on projects away from direct family care which allowed me to stay busy, make a difference, but also keep the further drains to a minimum.

Coming into the holidays I started to discover a few emotional reserves and so I began the process of reimmersing myself in the daily work of serving families and more importantly, listening to their stories again. That seems to me one of the often lost arts of modern funeral service but also one of the most crucial things we can do as funeral directors--listen to the remembrances, let people tell the story of the one now lost to them. Our minds work in amazing ways and there is something very powerful in speaking aloud the stories of the past, even to a stranger. It helps people make those memories more concrete and permanent and that's a core purpose in all that we do, give people the opportunity to remember when after a very few days, much of the evidence of a life, even a very full one, will have gone.

I have done this again. I have take the time to get in early and listen as the family gets ready for visitors. I have taken the time at post-funeral gatherings to listen further and ask questions and provide that gentle reassurance we funeral service professional can give, that yes, the family chose well their services and to hear the more relaxed memories which come with food and perhaps even a drink.

Unlike any time before in funeral service, we have so many pressures to keep running, keep moving, keep juggling the next and the next and the next thing. Yet if you want to make a real difference in funeral service. Maintain or build an environment where personal time with families does not get lost. They need it, and from purely pragmatic point of view, you need it. You need to hear the stories because they will keep you in touch with what's real in life. And all of us need to hear the stories because that's what will keep people coming back, even if they don't fully understand why the funeral became so meaningful.

Listen. In a crazy busy world, that's one of the truly great gifts you can give.

Peace (and for those of you with a British bent, Happy Boxing Day),

BT

Time to Fess Up

Though many blogs have a personal bent to them with blow by blow descriptions of daily life, I have avoided that style to bring a more pithy outlook on the funeral business. However, working as the sole author and creative mind behind this project means that changes in my personal life directly affect my ability to produce entries.

I have tried to "blame" busy-ness at the business for my lack of recent content, and that is partially true. I have changed my approach to work and supervision, which has shrunk my free time somewhat. More to the point though, I have made room for a new woman in my life and that has reshaped things significantly.

As many of you know, I went through a separation and divorce over the last two years. As a part of pulling my life back together on the other side of this, I opened an eHarmony account just to try and meet a few people.

Well after closing over 400 matches (eHarmony can be A LOT of work!) and several fruitless dates, I seem to have met up with someone truly extraordinary and it does take time to adjust.

I will settle in to some new routines and my writing will come back to steady production soon enough. In the mean time, please peruse the archives here and keep and eye out for the January edition of the American Funeral Director magazine. I have a major article on measuring the Baby Boom in funeral service which should keep everyone thinking.

Have a fabulous day,

BT

M.I.A.

My apologies for the limited number of postings over the last week or two. Many of you ask me, "How do you keep up with it all?"

Most of the time I can squeeze in 15 minutes here and there to write my posts, as long as I have had the chance to keep up with my reading and email and such after hours.

Gladly, I have had a load of good things going on which have pushed me out of my usual routines and so I've not had all my ideas cued up and ready to go day by day. Let's see how things go this week. I think the dust has begun to settle but sometimes that can be deceiving.

Have a fantastic week and don't forget about today...it is the only one of these you will EVER have. There's one and only one December 10, 2007, so treat it as a gift and use the moments well and full.

BT

Attending a Funeral

Many of you will know Ken Camp as the President of Batesville Casket Company. His father died just prior to Thanksgiving and the funeral will be held tomorrow. I have made arrangements to travel to New Jersey to attend and so that my interrupt my postings schedule for another day or two. We will see how things come together.

Peace,

BT

Belated Wishes of Thanksgiving

Many have asked me how I manage to keep posting my blog with all my business responsibilities and such. I have done well for months but even a dedicated poster can run into a string of busy-ness which grinds the blog to a hault and that's what has happened with me.

We have had our hands full around here with new activity and some of those funerals included personal friends whom I chose to spend extra time with prior to the holiday. We also had the kick-off to our "Share Some Warmth" campaign--a warm clothing and winter coat drive we run each year as a community service project. This too kept me on the run for photographs and a radio appearance. Throw in a family gathering for the holiday and the blog had to take a back seat for a few days. My apologies to the regular readers, but the funeral home business must come first. So far, this project remains a volunteer effort.

So Happy Thanksgiving to one and all. For those of you who know me personally, you know this year has held many challenges. Yet the outcomes have turned positive and plentiful, so I find myself full of thanks this season.

Peace,

BT

Oops! Grief isn't about Kubler-Ross

On Saturday during the educational sessions for the 100th Anniversary of the New England Institute, Carol Wogrin of the National Center for Death Education finally set me straight on grief. Like so many people who learned the "basics" long ago, concepts like the Kubler-Ross stages (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, accpetance), "letting go", "resolving grief" etc. all fall into the category of urban myth or wrong-headed and out of date clinical frameworks.

For instance, Kubler-Ross wrote a book called "On Death and Dying" which dealt with the specific topic of dealing with the tragedy of death and coming to grips with impending death. Unfortunately the popular media expanded the "stages" to encompass all forms of grief and loss. As a matter of fact, wikipedia.com makes the same mistake by describing her work as "the process by which people deal with grief and tragedy".

However Carol pointed out that in reality grief does not ever fully "resolve" itself. Over time we may find a place for it which does not interupt our daily lives. We may do a good job of creating new meaning for our lives which keeps the grief at bay most of the time. In the end, loss is loss and it stays with us and researchers such as Robert Neimeyer, Stroeb and Schut, and George Bonanno among others provide a much better framework of understanding for how grief works and how we as care givers should talk about it.

Should you ever have the chance to hear Carol Wogrin speak, take the opportunity. She knows the theory and describes it well. At the same time, she has more than 30 years of real clinical experience. She knows how to put theory into practice and has a mulititude of real life stories to share.

The National Center for Death Education operates out of Mount Ida College in Newton, MA. They run a series of courses (including online learning) and seminars on grief, recovery, thanatology and other related topic areas. You can find further information by following the link.

Mount Ida College: Center for Death Education

UPDATE: Here's the bibliography from Carol's presentation in case you would like to do some of your own further research and reading.

Download nei_centenial_bibliography.doc