I made note of the new book An Uncertain Inheritance in a previous posting where an editor named Nell Casey has collected a variety of stories penned by professional writers about their individual experiences of caregiving. Not all of these stories involve end of life situations, in fact one of the best comes from the point of view of the challenge of someone receiving care from loved ones during a bout of deep clinical depression.
I have not finished yet, but I would like to pass along a short quote from one of the essays. This captures some of complexity involved with grieving. We must always keep this in mind when working with families. Death means lots of different things to people and sometimes grief brings not just sadness but guilt and frustration to the surface. You never know what you will find.
From the essay entitled, "The Baby" by Anne Landsman:
"I was stunned at how bereft I felt, even though there were so many miles separating my father and myself [she in New York, he having died in South Africa], so many years of distance, so much childhood hurt. I felt cold all the time, as if I was about to get sick. I began to understand the animal nature of grief, the mourning of dogs, apes, elephants. The loss of my father was huge, as if someone had taken off a limb. Not only had I lost him, the idosyncratic, lovable rascal that he was, I had also lost a fantasy. When he was alive, there was always the hope that he would turn one day into a real father, the benign, openhearted father I dreamed of having. Now that dream was gone too."
An amazing insight, take it and use it in your own practice of funeral service.
Peace,
BT
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