Listening Again

To all of you faithful readers, I do apologize for my impromptu disapperance these last two weeks. I've needed a chance to regroup after two years of extraordinary change and removing the pressure of tracking the world of funeral service ideas and news did help tremendously. I needed to put that focus elsewhere for a time, though I think now I will have the chance to get back to steady production here.

Among many changes, I've had the chance to reconnect with what I enjoy most in working as a funeral director. With all the emotional turmoil associated with my divorce, I had withdrawn from putting my all into the people we serve here at our funeral homes. As you all know well, funeral service provides great rewards for those who choose to keep funeral directing personal, and yet to work with heart and soul on a daily basis requires a deep reserve of emotional well-being. My well had run dry quite some time ago and so I worked on projects away from direct family care which allowed me to stay busy, make a difference, but also keep the further drains to a minimum.

Coming into the holidays I started to discover a few emotional reserves and so I began the process of reimmersing myself in the daily work of serving families and more importantly, listening to their stories again. That seems to me one of the often lost arts of modern funeral service but also one of the most crucial things we can do as funeral directors--listen to the remembrances, let people tell the story of the one now lost to them. Our minds work in amazing ways and there is something very powerful in speaking aloud the stories of the past, even to a stranger. It helps people make those memories more concrete and permanent and that's a core purpose in all that we do, give people the opportunity to remember when after a very few days, much of the evidence of a life, even a very full one, will have gone.

I have done this again. I have take the time to get in early and listen as the family gets ready for visitors. I have taken the time at post-funeral gatherings to listen further and ask questions and provide that gentle reassurance we funeral service professional can give, that yes, the family chose well their services and to hear the more relaxed memories which come with food and perhaps even a drink.

Unlike any time before in funeral service, we have so many pressures to keep running, keep moving, keep juggling the next and the next and the next thing. Yet if you want to make a real difference in funeral service. Maintain or build an environment where personal time with families does not get lost. They need it, and from purely pragmatic point of view, you need it. You need to hear the stories because they will keep you in touch with what's real in life. And all of us need to hear the stories because that's what will keep people coming back, even if they don't fully understand why the funeral became so meaningful.

Listen. In a crazy busy world, that's one of the truly great gifts you can give.

Peace (and for those of you with a British bent, Happy Boxing Day),

BT

Comments

[James A. Morman]

I can relate to the idea of having to move your focus. I have been doing that for the last two months and it hurt my blog too. A lot of directors don't realize how valuable the time before visitation and at the luncheon is. I have worked for places that didn't allow it. My employees are encouraged to go to the luncheon and are on the clock when they do. Recently we began having one guy stay until the end of the luncheon to help the family if they have to bring flowers and food home. You are fortunate that you can take time away from seeing families. I am a one man show and there are only approx. 25 days per year I am off-call. I hope you have time to keep the blog going, I enjoy it greatly.

[Dale Clock]

BT

How right you are. It's great to listen to the stories. We've all done it. But you know what's even better? Capturing the stories, printing them and sharing them with everyone that comes to the service. That's what we at Life Story funeral homes have been doing for the last 4 years. Thousands of stories preserved for the generations to come. It's what keeps me in this business. It's what gives me hope.

[Lennox Miles]

I hope you have found a true happiness. In your article you metioned being unpluged from the funeral business. I say Kudos to the staff anf friends that helped you through this difficult time. You should thank them and let them know how much you appreciate them.