Funeral Words

American Funeral Director Article

In the January issue of the American Funeral Director, beginning on page 24, you will find an article I wrote regarding the demographics of Baby Boomer mortality. Up till now, analysts in our profession have used very indirect methods of estimating how and when the baby boom will impact the volume of deaths in this country.

As an alternative, I pieced together existing government statistics in a way which more clearly predicts the outcome of boomer mortality.

For those of you that subscribe, please take a look and then post a comment. I would appreciate the feedback.

One thing I will note ahead of time about the article. The numbers used show a complete national picture. Of course in any particular town or neighborhood, the demographics could vary greatly from the average national growth of 40%. Business planning on a local level will require checking conditions carefully. In a few parts of the country, growth will be on the order of 300% or more and in other parts (because of regional job losses and the like) deaths will actually decline. So before making any major strategic decisions, test the status of local conditions first.

Decorating Graves

Follow the link to an extensive NYTimes.com article about the expanding ritual of decorating graves at the holidays.

NYTimes: Christmas Flourishes, in a Trim Green Stillness

Listening Again

To all of you faithful readers, I do apologize for my impromptu disapperance these last two weeks. I've needed a chance to regroup after two years of extraordinary change and removing the pressure of tracking the world of funeral service ideas and news did help tremendously. I needed to put that focus elsewhere for a time, though I think now I will have the chance to get back to steady production here.

Among many changes, I've had the chance to reconnect with what I enjoy most in working as a funeral director. With all the emotional turmoil associated with my divorce, I had withdrawn from putting my all into the people we serve here at our funeral homes. As you all know well, funeral service provides great rewards for those who choose to keep funeral directing personal, and yet to work with heart and soul on a daily basis requires a deep reserve of emotional well-being. My well had run dry quite some time ago and so I worked on projects away from direct family care which allowed me to stay busy, make a difference, but also keep the further drains to a minimum.

Coming into the holidays I started to discover a few emotional reserves and so I began the process of reimmersing myself in the daily work of serving families and more importantly, listening to their stories again. That seems to me one of the often lost arts of modern funeral service but also one of the most crucial things we can do as funeral directors--listen to the remembrances, let people tell the story of the one now lost to them. Our minds work in amazing ways and there is something very powerful in speaking aloud the stories of the past, even to a stranger. It helps people make those memories more concrete and permanent and that's a core purpose in all that we do, give people the opportunity to remember when after a very few days, much of the evidence of a life, even a very full one, will have gone.

I have done this again. I have take the time to get in early and listen as the family gets ready for visitors. I have taken the time at post-funeral gatherings to listen further and ask questions and provide that gentle reassurance we funeral service professional can give, that yes, the family chose well their services and to hear the more relaxed memories which come with food and perhaps even a drink.

Unlike any time before in funeral service, we have so many pressures to keep running, keep moving, keep juggling the next and the next and the next thing. Yet if you want to make a real difference in funeral service. Maintain or build an environment where personal time with families does not get lost. They need it, and from purely pragmatic point of view, you need it. You need to hear the stories because they will keep you in touch with what's real in life. And all of us need to hear the stories because that's what will keep people coming back, even if they don't fully understand why the funeral became so meaningful.

Listen. In a crazy busy world, that's one of the truly great gifts you can give.

Peace (and for those of you with a British bent, Happy Boxing Day),

BT

Time to Fess Up

Though many blogs have a personal bent to them with blow by blow descriptions of daily life, I have avoided that style to bring a more pithy outlook on the funeral business. However, working as the sole author and creative mind behind this project means that changes in my personal life directly affect my ability to produce entries.

I have tried to "blame" busy-ness at the business for my lack of recent content, and that is partially true. I have changed my approach to work and supervision, which has shrunk my free time somewhat. More to the point though, I have made room for a new woman in my life and that has reshaped things significantly.

As many of you know, I went through a separation and divorce over the last two years. As a part of pulling my life back together on the other side of this, I opened an eHarmony account just to try and meet a few people.

Well after closing over 400 matches (eHarmony can be A LOT of work!) and several fruitless dates, I seem to have met up with someone truly extraordinary and it does take time to adjust.

I will settle in to some new routines and my writing will come back to steady production soon enough. In the mean time, please peruse the archives here and keep and eye out for the January edition of the American Funeral Director magazine. I have a major article on measuring the Baby Boom in funeral service which should keep everyone thinking.

Have a fabulous day,

BT

M.I.A.

My apologies for the limited number of postings over the last week or two. Many of you ask me, "How do you keep up with it all?"

Most of the time I can squeeze in 15 minutes here and there to write my posts, as long as I have had the chance to keep up with my reading and email and such after hours.

Gladly, I have had a load of good things going on which have pushed me out of my usual routines and so I've not had all my ideas cued up and ready to go day by day. Let's see how things go this week. I think the dust has begun to settle but sometimes that can be deceiving.

Have a fantastic week and don't forget about today...it is the only one of these you will EVER have. There's one and only one December 10, 2007, so treat it as a gift and use the moments well and full.

BT

Hacking Deaths and Funerals

At our funeral home website, we have had our share of inappropriate postings and other mischief with the online guestbook and virtual candles. There's always soemone with too much time on their hands to come along and make little messes.

However, I had no idea the lengths some online hackers would go to use deaths as a means to spread computer viruses and spyware. According to a December 4th article in the New York Times, hackers will create phony websites with information about the death and links to online "videos" which do not in fact exist, all so the unsuspecting will click on a link which causes spyware to download onto the computer.

We worried about "Big Brother" for so long, how the government would take over our privacy. Yet the internet exposes us to millions of other very individual and private (as opposed to governmental) losses of personal privacy and personal freedom.

Follow the link to the complete article.

NYTimes.com: Hacking Rings Take Advantage of Death in Boston

Portrait of a Shuttle Columbia Disaster Widow

I can only say I wished the following article ran longer. For those of you who care to spend time learning about grief and the grieving process, here you will find a first hand account of a widow struggling her way through the loss of her husband to a very public tragedy.

Nicely written.

NYTimes: Space Shuttle Widow is Ready to Move on From Rituals of Loss